God's Phone Number

Just some funny things that I used to think when I was a kid...

I remember being in first grade at St. Francis de Sales in Indy and attending mass every morning. That was back when the masses were in Latin and telephone numbers began with a word--but shortened to two characters. Our phone number in Indy was Melrose 92736, but dialed ME92736. During every mass when we said, "Et cum spiri tu tuo", I thought that was God's phone number.

Whenever I'd visit my grandparents in Newton Stewart, I'd usually go see my Uncle Carl and his family since they lived just down the road from Grandma. Although Grandma didn't have running water, Uncle Carl did. It came into the house from a location just outside their kitchen window. To insulate it, the water line came out of a large metal barrel/drum that was filled with sawdust. I'd stand at the barrel and just stare at it and try to figure out how they got water out of sawdust.

I thought I had it figured out how to keep from getting killed in a plane wreck. Just before hitting the ground, jump! I didn't see why that wouldn't work. Then years later, I heard George Carlin saying the same thing.

I've already written about the tiny little skeletons that lived in our staircase like they were little bitty coffins. They came out at night, walked up and down the stairs and made them creak. And I've already written about Mom telling me my embryonic little sister was in a sac in her stomach. I pictured a brown grocery sack.

I know there are more, but they'll have to wait until I get some sleep. Before I turn in, I think I'll give God a call.