Life After Forty

Granny C. used to tell me, "Oh, Helen...don't get old". I'd always ask her if she would rather I died young. (She always ignored that question.) Although Granny was feisty, the last ten years of her life were more or less spent looking at the sour side of life. On a beautiful Spring day, she'd complain that Winter was right behind it. And it is sad when all of your family and friends on your generational level and up are gone. As members of my family pass on, I feel like each life is a chapter. And when I finish that book, that final chapter will be mine.

If we're all lucky, we'll live long enough to have the symptoms of aging. You young "whippersnappers" think these things won't happen to you...and they won't if you die before you hit 40. It's better to just realize most or all of these things will set in one of these days. Here's a list of things I've noticed, starting at around age 40 and going up to my current age of 55--soon to be 56. I've also listed some symptoms and possible "cures".

~Presbyopia (arms getting too short to read the paper...get reading glasses.)

~Graying hair (don't pluck the gray hairs--you're going to need them. See next.)

~Thinning hair (yes, girls--not just the men...don't dye your hair a dark shade, and do experiment with your hair to see how best to cover the thin spots; ie: do a comb-over. Women can get away with this a little better than men.)

~Thinning eyebrows (draw them in, but use a shade lighter than your hair color--natural or not).

~"James Whitmore" eyebrows (as your good eyebrow hairs disappear, long, white, wiry obnoxious ones come in. They won't stay in place and are hard to cover. If they're "keepers", meaning in the area where you want eyebrows, trim them instead of pulling them out. Pluck the ones that stray outside of your eyebrow line.)

~Drooping eyelids (if it gets to the point where they block your eyesight, have surgery; and whatever you do, do NOT wear shimmery or frosted eyeshadow. If you wonder why, slap some on and while in a darkish room have someone take your photo with flash, but if you like that "road reflector" look, go for it! You can also have your optometrist fix you up with a pair of "ptosis glasses". Ptosis glasses have a metal "eyelid-holder-upper" protruding from the frame just below the eyebrow. I kid you not--they do have such things for patients that have severe drooping eyelids, but actually using them was said in jest.)

~Clown eyebrows (this happens when women mistakenly think that if they get rid of any remaining eyebrow and draw real high eyebrows, their eyes won't look so droopy. That's not what happens. Put your eyebrows where eyebrows belong--not halfway up your forehead!)

~Growing hair where you don't want hair (men get gross, hairy backs and shoulders, and women get whiskers. Girls, offer to wax your hubby's back. It's a good way to pay them back for never lowering the toilet seat. As for those pesky whiskers, tweezers never worked for me. I use a pair of small optical needle-nose pliers--ask your optometrist to order a pair for you.)

~Pallor of your complexion (by all means, add some color to your cheeks, but take it easy on the blush!)

~Thinning lips (use a "lip plumper" and a not-so-dark lipstick. Do not apply lipstick where you don't have lips! That means the skin around your lips AND your teeth.)

~Warty growths (after a while, your skin gives up trying to stay smooth. All those free-radicals have had a lifetime to wreak havoc with your epidermis, helped along by all of the suntans and burns you've had in your life, smoking, and poor diet. Know the signs of skin cancers and get to a dermatologist if something looks suspicious. Other than that, deal with the fact that your skin is no longer the skin of a 20-year-old. And dressing like a 20-year-old does NOT make you look younger!)

~Brown spots (hormones and sun...use a bleaching agent for your hands if you have the ability to stick to it. Smear a concealer on facial brown spots, but watch that you don't make them more obvious by trying to conceal them. I hear there are also laser treatments for facial brown spots.)

~Stiffness and soreness (due to arthritis, inactivity, old injuries...walking and exercise! Wish I had the gumption to do some...because when I do get on a regular walking program, I do feel better. My back is not nearly as sore, and it gives me a better outlook on life.)

~Ear lobes starting to drag the ground (gravity...what it does to your chin(s) and boobs, it also does to your ear lobes. Heavy earrings won't help the situation either. Other than having your lobes trimmed like a doberman or growing your hair long enough to cover them, I don't know of an easy way to disguise 'em.)

~Darkening teeth (due to staining foods/drink, smoking, thinning of enamel...ask your dentist! I tried over-the-counter whiteners and they helped, but had the best luck with a tooth-whitening system from my dentist.)

~Wrinkles (I find that layers of fat help to plump out wrinkles. It's the same concept as putting on a pair of wrinkled slacks. If you MORE than fill them out, the wrinkled fabric is a lot less noticeable! All of my skinny friends my age look way more wrinkly than I do, so eat up, girls!)

And if you're interested in seeming young after menopause...

• Keep a sense of humor
• Try new things
  
• Have an open mind
• Don't talk incessantly about your aches and pains unless you are speaking to your doctor
• Learn something new every day
• Work puzzles to keep your brain sharp
  
• Know current events to give yourself something to talk about
  
• Don't just talk...listen!
• Walk!
• Be a friend and have friends of all ages
  
• Volunteer to do something for someone
• Think of others
• Get a pet
• Have fun
• Don't be nosy
  
• Laugh
• Give thanks for what you have and don't worry about what you don't have
• Hand out candy at Halloween, but please...no Circus Peanuts or apples!
  
• Smile--a LOT
  

Now, if I can just mark a few things off of that list.